[DO YOU MEAN HIDE, KANEKI'S BF AKA THE FUTURE SOURCE OF HOURS OF GHOUL TORMENT AND FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY?
Hazel's voice perks up considerably at this revelation; it's a good thing that this is voice only, because her devious grin is hidden and this can just be taken as pleasure at spending time with friends.]
Man, though, how have I had him over before you? You're fucking slacking.
[and that's it, that's what she leaves it with. to explain would be to reveal her horrible machinations and probably get immediately uninvited - or at least potentially locked in a closet at some point.]
That sounds an awful lot like shitty excuses, Josuke. [a playfully thoughtful beat, and then:] Or you've been lying about how many friends you actually have.
[because if she's really the only person who ever comes over.....]
[A flicker of confusion peppers his voice before he huffs, something between a laugh and mock annoyance.]
What's so shitty about trying not to drive my roommates up the wall? ...oh yeah! That reminds me, you know how you got that creepy old guy living at your place now? I got a new roomie, too.
Goes by the name Teddie. He's a little... [Don't fucking pun—] ...unbearable.
[there's a weighty pause in Hazel's line, not because she lacks a response but because she wants the silence to stretch out a little and make him think about the joke he just made. do you feel bad now, Josuke? you fucking better. when she finally speaks you can practically hear the eyes rolling.]
Don't come crying to me when you wake up one morning with a stuffed animal's head on your pillow.
[she's unaware of the 'he's an actual bear-shaped thing' aspect of all this, so the true brilliance of the pun is lost on her. alas.]
[At least he hopes not! Jesus, how creepy would that even be, waking up next to a bear???? Though, come to think of it, Josuke wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Teddie was too afraid to enter his room with a snake in there. After all, he'd practically thrown himself down the stairs wailing at glass-shattering decibels because he'd thought spiders were sharing the closet he'd been hiding in!
Josuke's still baffled by how seriously Teddie had taken that little joke, too...]
In any case, just wanted to give you a heads up! Y'know, in case he's around. You probably don't gotta worry, though. I think we got the house to ourselves.
As opposed to the usual two of us, yeah. Good thing you clarified that or something awful might have happened.
[you know...something awful for anyone else to walk in on. Hazel probably should put a brake on this kind of teasing, all things considered, but the opportunity is too good to just let it pass her by.]
[It's a little sad that it takes Josuke a moment to realize what she's playfully implying, not to mention that she's implying it just to get a rise out of him, and even sadder that it works!]
What are you—? We aren't even—!
[That sound you're hearing? ...besides the sputtering. Is the sound of Josuke juggling his phone as he decides whether or not to cut the communication short!]
[nope, there goes the laughter! give her a minute or two to find a way to get coherent sentences out around the mirth, it'll help you decide whether or not to continue the conversation.]
Don't worry, Josuke, we're on a private line. Your secret's safe.
[what secret???? does it matter? not even a little bit. even if he cuts her off now Hazel will have ultimately won, and she's fine with that.]
No—never mind! Don't answer that! Just be at my place by six!
[Indisputably, the victory goes to Hazel this time, as Josuke decides to make his quick exit, after all. Besides, he'll need his pride intact later if he's to make any kind of impression!]
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So...be at my place by six?
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Yeah, whatever, I guess. Who else is coming, anyway?
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Oh, just Ken. And Hide. Realized I'd never actually had Ken over before, so I invited him and thought hey, the more the merrier!
[Well, it went something like that, anyway.]
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[DO YOU MEAN HIDE, KANEKI'S BF AKA THE FUTURE SOURCE OF HOURS OF GHOUL TORMENT AND FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY?
Hazel's voice perks up considerably at this revelation; it's a good thing that this is voice only, because her devious grin is hidden and this can just be taken as pleasure at spending time with friends.]
Man, though, how have I had him over before you? You're fucking slacking.
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[He'd been too busy playing chubby bunny with Hisoka, stuffing as many marshmallows into his mouth as he could fit..........
#priorities]
Ah! I'm not slacking, by the way! Ken and I don't hang around my place when we hang out at all.
Actually...I don't have many people over besides you.
[Josuke's not really a homebody, Hazel!
He's also oblivious to whatever devious plan she's suddenly got cooking...]
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[and that's it, that's what she leaves it with. to explain would be to reveal her horrible machinations and probably get immediately uninvited - or at least potentially locked in a closet at some point.]
That sounds an awful lot like shitty excuses, Josuke. [a playfully thoughtful beat, and then:] Or you've been lying about how many friends you actually have.
[because if she's really the only person who ever comes over.....]
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Uh, okay?
[A flicker of confusion peppers his voice before he huffs, something between a laugh and mock annoyance.]
What's so shitty about trying not to drive my roommates up the wall? ...oh yeah! That reminds me, you know how you got that creepy old guy living at your place now? I got a new roomie, too.
Goes by the name Teddie. He's a little... [Don't fucking pun—] ...unbearable.
[He punned.]
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Don't come crying to me when you wake up one morning with a stuffed animal's head on your pillow.
[she's unaware of the 'he's an actual bear-shaped thing' aspect of all this, so the true brilliance of the pun is lost on her. alas.]
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......
.........nope, still not sorry!]
Hmmm? Pretty sure I don't gotta worry about that.
[At least he hopes not! Jesus, how creepy would that even be, waking up next to a bear???? Though, come to think of it, Josuke wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Teddie was too afraid to enter his room with a snake in there. After all, he'd practically thrown himself down the stairs wailing at glass-shattering decibels because he'd thought spiders were sharing the closet he'd been hiding in!
Josuke's still baffled by how seriously Teddie had taken that little joke, too...]
In any case, just wanted to give you a heads up! Y'know, in case he's around. You probably don't gotta worry, though. I think we got the house to ourselves.
The four of us, I mean.
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[you know...something awful for anyone else to walk in on. Hazel probably should put a brake on this kind of teasing, all things considered, but the opportunity is too good to just let it pass her by.]
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[It's a little sad that it takes Josuke a moment to realize what she's playfully implying, not to mention that she's implying it just to get a rise out of him, and even sadder that it works!]
What are you—? We aren't even—!
[That sound you're hearing? ...besides the sputtering. Is the sound of Josuke juggling his phone as he decides whether or not to cut the communication short!]
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Don't worry, Josuke, we're on a private line. Your secret's safe.
[what secret???? does it matter? not even a little bit. even if he cuts her off now Hazel will have ultimately won, and she's fine with that.]
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[...]
No—never mind! Don't answer that! Just be at my place by six!
[Indisputably, the victory goes to Hazel this time, as Josuke decides to make his quick exit, after all. Besides, he'll need his pride intact later if he's to make any kind of impression!]