ic contact;

[deadtective]

"Well, you reached me, but I'm obviously not answering right now. Leave a message and if I'm not avoiding you I'll get back as soon as I can."

Comments

[unbreaker]

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

[...]

But I swear, if it bites or shits on me...

[deadtective]

Then you'll absolutely deserve it, I know.

[unbreaker]

Gross! GROSS! And no, that's not it! What I meant to say was...I'LL MAKE SURE I SHARE IT WITH YOU!

[deadtective]

You'll never make it to me.

[unbreaker]

We'll see about that if the time comes.

[deadtective]

I'm just saying, assaulting a pet's beloved owner right in front of them probably isn't the best idea.

[unbreaker]

I'll just throw a blanket over its head.

[deadtective]

They're nocturnal you dipshit, that doesn't work!

[unbreaker]

Fuck you, how's it gonna fly at me when it's got a big ass quilt weighing it down to the floor! Now who's the dipshit?! DIPSHIT!

[deadtective]

Where the fuck are you getting any quilts from in my house, double dipshit?!?

[unbreaker]

The fucking comforter, then! You don't have a bare mattress, I've been to your room before! I've sat on the damn bed, triple dipshit!!!

[deadtective]

Maybe I'm going to fucking strip it before you come over! Ever think of that, King Dipshit?

[unbreaker]

Yeah, well, maybe I'll bring my own! Ever think of THAT, QUEEN DIPSHIT?!

[deadtective]

Ever stop and think I wouldn't let you through the door toting a fucking comforter, original dipshit?

[unbreaker]

Ever stop to think about how you couldn't stop me even if you wanted to, super tiny and delicate flower dipshit?????

[deadtective]

Say that again, I dare you.

[NOPE, TOTAL DERAILMENT. she's so fucking predictable.]

1/3

[unbreaker]

Which part?

2/3

[unbreaker]

The part about you being so super tiny that I gotta be careful not to step on you?

/fml i mean fin

[unbreaker]

Or the part about you being a flower so delicate even a gentle breeze could blow you away?

[deadtective]

[for what comes dangerously close to a solid thirty seconds, it's impossible to tell if Hazel is still on the line or if a demon is being forcibly dragged from the inner rings of hell next to the phone.

when she actually speaks, it's still kind of hard to tell. she sounds awfully threatening for someone who hit such high octaves just a moment ago.]

The next time I see you is the moment you regret ever being born.

[unbreaker]

Pfft...what're you gonna do, bust my other eardrum?

[deadtective]

I'm going to destroy your future.

[that is quite possibly the most cryptic and dramatic way of saying she's going to kick him in the nads ever. gj, girl.]

[unbreaker]

The hell do you mean by that?

[deadtective]

You'll find out.

[unbreaker]

Either you're full of hot air...or I'm really not gonna like what you got planned.

[Shit.]