ic contact;

[deadtective]

"Well, you reached me, but I'm obviously not answering right now. Leave a message and if I'm not avoiding you I'll get back as soon as I can."

Comments

[rockpun]

LOOK I DIDNT THINK IT WAS TOO FAR OUTSIDE THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY, all you had to say was no, jeez.

[deadtective]

WHAT EVEN GAVE YOU THAT IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE HOLY SHIT

[rockpun]

hes the only person i know of who you didnt immediately yell about not being your friend and i figured that was for a reason?? i dont know, dude, youre a fucking enigma wrapped in nice clothing.

[deadtective]

YOU'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN US TOGETHER

[sorry Tara, she's not really actually processing much of anything you're saying to her or she'd have a comment about someone thinking her outfits were nice. as you can clearly see the mental derailment has yet to be cleared.]

[rockpun]

yeah, i know, because the only times you and i have ever seen each other in person you were throwing trash at me and i get the feeling hed stop you from doing that. maybe.

[deadtective]

YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT WHAT HE DOES AND DOESN'T LET ME DO

[possibly because you haven't actually done anything but start screeching nigh-incoherently since that original question was posed, Hazel. no answers have been given here.]

[rockpun]

i... youre right? i literally know nothing about you two. i dont know if this qualifies as protesting too much but i dont like your odds.

[deadtective]

SHUT UP!!!! NOBODY ASKED YOU TO CALCULATE ODDS!!

[rockpun]

whoaaa, okay, hazel, maybe this was a bad topic. sorry for bringing it up. wow.

1/2

[deadtective]

GHFDLKJ;'DHKFLD

[deadtective]

[and a solid ten minutes later she gets an actual coherent reply. someone had to go literally roll on the floor as her brain reached critical overheating and had a nuclear meltdown. she also seems to have found her capslock key again.]

Who the hell asks questions about people's personal lives like that? Fuck! At least buy me a drink first or something!

[rockpun]

okay, even if "are you dating this guy" were a grossly personal question (it isnt), i couldnt buy you a drink anyway. dietary restrictions, remember? ;)

[deadtective]

THEN DON'T ASK QUESTIONS YOU CAN'T PAY FOR

[oh, whoops, there it is again. her bad.]

[rockpun]

youre the one making a big deal out of it now, you know that, right? like i am 100% okay with dropping it.

[deadtective]

Next time I see you I'm going to stuff you in a trash can and roll you down a hill.

[rockpun]

i figured that was probably going to happen anyway. ill just upright myself before i get a quarter of the way down and then i will be the one laughing. in my head youre laughing at me while this happens.

[deadtective]

In my head I'm throwing water balloons at your face when you pop up out of the can. I like my version better.

[rockpun]

why are you so mean to me constantly, i ask, knowing exactly what our relationship is.

[deadtective]

I'm just trying to make you into a better person.

[rockpun]

you misspelled "wetter".

[deadtective]

Do I look like a goddamn mermaid to you?

[rockpun]

you look like somebody who throws water balloons at perfectly innocent music magazine interns, who have done nothing to wrong you in their lives, ever.

[deadtective]

Anyone contributing to a magazine in this day and age, especially about music, is basically asking for it.

[rockpun]

and just like that literally all of the goodwill you earned during this conversation is back at zero. i mean it was still at zero but its back there now too. :P

[deadtective]

I bet you're still calling them fucking zines, too.