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"Well, you reached me, but I'm obviously not answering right now. Leave a message and if I'm not avoiding you I'll get back as soon as I can."

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You got a turtle to skateboard? You...you gotta teach Polnareff!

[His turtle will hate him just for asking, but who cares right now???? They could totally race skateboarding turtles and put it on the internet. It'd be a sensation!

...He told you he wasn't always responsible.]

He's not a turtle, he's an owl!

[WHY DO YOU SOUND SO INDIGNANT HAZEL YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOUR BFF YOU GOT A PET]

You shoulda said that sooner! ...what's an owl need with a skateboard, though?

To take it off sick ramps, obviously.

Okay, but I still think a turtle going off a ramp would be cooler...

Well, there's only one way to settle this.

SKATEBOARD OWL VERSUS SKATEBOARD TURTLE?

Yes.

YES! Alright, you're on. I fucking love this idea.

You have to come meet him before they fight though, ok? Just so he doesn't freak out.

[no it's because she wants to show off THE FUCKING SKATEBOARDING SNOWY OWL THAT LETS HER CUDDLE IT LIKE A BABY IT'S SO COOL]

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

[...]

But I swear, if it bites or shits on me...

Then you'll absolutely deserve it, I know.

Gross! GROSS! And no, that's not it! What I meant to say was...I'LL MAKE SURE I SHARE IT WITH YOU!

You'll never make it to me.

We'll see about that if the time comes.

I'm just saying, assaulting a pet's beloved owner right in front of them probably isn't the best idea.

I'll just throw a blanket over its head.

They're nocturnal you dipshit, that doesn't work!

Fuck you, how's it gonna fly at me when it's got a big ass quilt weighing it down to the floor! Now who's the dipshit?! DIPSHIT!

Where the fuck are you getting any quilts from in my house, double dipshit?!?

The fucking comforter, then! You don't have a bare mattress, I've been to your room before! I've sat on the damn bed, triple dipshit!!!

Maybe I'm going to fucking strip it before you come over! Ever think of that, King Dipshit?

Yeah, well, maybe I'll bring my own! Ever think of THAT, QUEEN DIPSHIT?!

Ever stop and think I wouldn't let you through the door toting a fucking comforter, original dipshit?

Ever stop to think about how you couldn't stop me even if you wanted to, super tiny and delicate flower dipshit?????

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/fml i mean fin

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