ic contact;

[deadtective]

"Well, you reached me, but I'm obviously not answering right now. Leave a message and if I'm not avoiding you I'll get back as soon as I can."

Comments

[unbreaker]

[No such luck, Hazel.]

It's not like I'll tell anyone. I promise!

1/2

[deadtective]

Uuuuugh. I'm terminating our friendship after this.

[deadtective]

[but after a second she obligingly launches into the store, speaking a mile a minute with the desperate hope that he won't be able to parse any of it. SHE'LL WIN THE DAY YET.]

I had a rabbit and it was the rucking greatest bunny ever but one morning I was running really late for school so I didn't latch the hutch properly and she got out and got hit by a car before anyone realized she was gone and I got so upset I vomited and my parents had to keep me out of school for a week I hope you're happy.

[unbreaker]

...oh.

[He caught the majority of it. Kind of hard not to when she really didn't say a whole lot, just spoke rather quickly and in one breath.]

Sorry.

[Guess that really does make her the winner! Good job, Hazel.]

[deadtective]

[there's some disgruntled noises before she remembers she has to use her words]

It was ten years ago, it's whatever. ...well, it's whatever to everyone who isn't my parents.

[SHE'S AN ADULT NOW GUYS SHE WAS GOING TO COLLEGE SHE COULD HAVE TOTALLY OWNED AN ANIMAL WITHOUT CRYING HERSELF SICK WHEN IT DIED]

[unbreaker]

So, like, it was ten years ago. Ever thinking about getting a new pet?

[deadtective]

Uh, about that...

[unbreaker]

What? You wanna have partial custody of my zoo?

[deadtective]

Ok, I mean, apparently your turtle would be all for that, but that's not what I mean. I kind of...already have one?

[that she was so excited to acquire she completely forgot to tell anyone about. WHOOPS.]

[unbreaker]

You already have a turtle? Or a zoo of your own?

[deadtective]

It's more like a one man circus, I guess? He skateboards.

[unbreaker]

You got a turtle to skateboard? You...you gotta teach Polnareff!

[His turtle will hate him just for asking, but who cares right now???? They could totally race skateboarding turtles and put it on the internet. It'd be a sensation!




...He told you he wasn't always responsible.]

[deadtective]

He's not a turtle, he's an owl!

[WHY DO YOU SOUND SO INDIGNANT HAZEL YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOUR BFF YOU GOT A PET]

[unbreaker]

You shoulda said that sooner! ...what's an owl need with a skateboard, though?

[deadtective]

To take it off sick ramps, obviously.

[unbreaker]

Okay, but I still think a turtle going off a ramp would be cooler...

[deadtective]

Well, there's only one way to settle this.

[unbreaker]

SKATEBOARD OWL VERSUS SKATEBOARD TURTLE?

[deadtective]

Yes.

[unbreaker]

YES! Alright, you're on. I fucking love this idea.

[deadtective]

You have to come meet him before they fight though, ok? Just so he doesn't freak out.

[no it's because she wants to show off THE FUCKING SKATEBOARDING SNOWY OWL THAT LETS HER CUDDLE IT LIKE A BABY IT'S SO COOL]

[unbreaker]

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

[...]

But I swear, if it bites or shits on me...

[deadtective]

Then you'll absolutely deserve it, I know.

[unbreaker]

Gross! GROSS! And no, that's not it! What I meant to say was...I'LL MAKE SURE I SHARE IT WITH YOU!

[deadtective]

You'll never make it to me.