deadtective | ic contact;

[she snorts and flaps a hand dismissively. the answer to that unaskaed second question is no, absolutely not. Hazel hasn't even told him about the less dire dangers she's plodded through, there was no way she was going to dump anything like that on him.]

If anybody figured me out and didn't like it, you'd have heard about it by now. People don't keep that kind of thing quiet.

[and if they had the power to recognize her, they'd probably have a way to fight her. there's a distinct possibility she wouldn't have the time to tell anyone at all.

ah, but that's awfully heavy for a moment like this. she switches over to more lighter responses with ease.]

Besides, who'd ever want to wreck someone this cute? It's just not happening.

[Josuke lets Hazel get away with it this once, the switch to a lighter topic, if only so he can fix her with a screwy expression and say...]

I don't know, man...you kinda got a bit of a big head, and that's totes not cute.

I don't think that Dumbo is really qualified to comment on the size of anybody's anything.

[and she's just going to go ahead and flick at his ear to underline her point. her head isn't big she's petite and adorable like a little china doll!!!!]

[He shoves himself upright and flicks her nose!]

I have perfectly great ears, I'll have you know! A lot better than that Pinocchio schnoz of yours!

[oh my god you little shit. she makes a squeaky noise and prods at his mouth with a finger.]

I'm surprised you can even spew that kind of bullshit through those puffy lips!

[Oh, it's time for a full blown smirk now! Because Hazel. Hazel! Josuke loves his own mouth. It spits out some pretty wise cracks (as far as he's concerned) and it looks smashing in the mirror when he's lip syncing to his favorite jams!]

Didn't know you spent so much time staring at 'em! Of course...I can't say I blame ya. They're a pretty awesome feature, right?

[Leans around her hand so he can prod a finger at her mouth next!]

A lot better than your chicken lips!

[NOPE NOPE NOPE just going to put her entire hand over his face now she doesn't need to hear this, especially not from a super huge asshole!!!]

This is what normal lips look like when you don't guzzle botox, ok? Not that you'd remember that!

Botox?!

[Shoving back at her face with his hand, and would you look at that, he's got a longer reach! HAH! Try reaching him now, smallfry!]

You're just jealous because I don't look like I've been sucking back on lemons!

[THIS IS CHEATING YOU ARE CHEATING YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS VIOLATION OF FAIR PLAY

by which I mean she's still desperately trying to just stretch...a little further...and is really just kind of tickling his neck. very tough, Hazel. very Inner Tall Person.]

At least people don't mistake me for a seafood special!

[FISHLIPS FISHLIPS NEENER NEENER]

[No! Not his neck! Stop that!

Squirms and swats at her hand with his free one before he finally brings up his leg so he can plant his foot against her stomach and puuuuuush...!]

Nah, they just mistake you for a freaky lizard instead!

[oh wait was that actually effective - noooooo don't take this apparently devastating weapon from her! she latches onto his free arm with the hand that isn't feathering his neck and uses it as leverage to lean forward even further, completely contrary to the fact it's just digging his foot even deeper into her stomach.

SHE WILL WIN THIS(??? is this even a winnable thing she doesn't know)]

Hey, at least nobody thinks I'm walking around with candy lips on all the time! They'll probably commit you over that someday!

[Okay, he's running out of insults, but it's not his fault that there's more mud to sling when it comes to full-bodied and robust lips!

...which just means that it's time to improvise.]

Jeez, you really do think about my mouth a lot!

[He puckers up playfully.]

Alright, I guess it'd be cruel to deny you what you want!

Oh my god you're absolutely insane!!

[SHRIEKING, SO MUCH SHRIEKING

annnnnd now she's backpedaling with hilarious energy, trying to get away from him with the same desperation she was just trying to do the opposite. this was a very smart improv move, Josuke.]

[Success! Victory! Ah, yes! Josuke loves it. Loves it so much he's letting Hazel go so he can flop back on the grass and roll around with laughter like an idiot, but who even cares! Her reaction was fucking priceless!

Slaps the ground! Laughs harder!]

Oh man, your face!

[she's struggling so much that when Josuke unexpectedly releases her she kind of. falls on her back and squirms for a few moments, still making shrill noises of displeasure. once she recovers and sits up to take in this hideously smug spectacle, the displeasure transfers quite obviously over to her expression instead.]

My face? What about your everything, you little shit!

[HUFF PUFF HUFF don't you dare roll too close to her, she'll totally shove you into the drainage canal right now.]

Besides, you were the one about the make out with a corpse!

[That has his braying coming to an abrupt halt.

And his laughter stopping dead along with it.

...get it?]

Whoa! Whoa!

[Sits up. And you can kind of...see the wheels turning for a sec as he processes her accusation and tries to think of something to say back that doesn't sound too insensitive. There's not a lot to choose from, so he settles for the unaltered truth...]

I wasn't gonna make out with you! I knew you'd pull back! That's why I didn't let my foot down until you started pulling away!

[Otherwise she'd have launched right into him!]

[she quirks an eyebrow and jabs a finger accusatorily in his direction. he's making sense and she DOES NOT CARE, although thankfully Hazel's puffed up that it should be easy to tell she isn't actually thinking much about or putting any stock into the things she's saying.]

Oh, yeah, like I'm supposed to know that! Necrophilia's a felony in this state, you know!

[is it? she actually has no idea, but wow it sounds good when she's worked up like this! it's either sling baseless accusations around or go look for some pig's house to blow down.]

Oh my god! Shut up!

[This is escalating! How is this escalating?!]

It wasn't like that and you know it! And besides, you're the one who got all pushy with my mouth first! So you're the weird one, not me!

[...is there even a word for when zombies dig the living?]

[because it's a conversation involving Hazel. they all start at nuclear.]

I'd never have had to mention them if you'd just admitted to having monster ears! It's all your fault, you can't blame anything on me!

[He's gonna need another run at this rate!

...but he did kind of start it, didn't he? Calling her head big an' all.

Oops.]

I'll take it all back if you do, how's that?

[and to think, all this could have been avoided if he'd just called her an airhead or something else relating to a lack of a brain. the mysteries of women.

she eyeballs him skeptically for a moment, then holds out a pinky towards him. yes, she is requiring a pinky shake to make this an official promise. no, she is not six.]

Fine, fine. Truce.

...you sure you're not using this as an excuse to hold my hand?

[It's a good thing she's not six, because evidently neither is Josuke!]

Do you want me to roll you down into that drain? Because there are alligators in there.

[SHE'S BEING NICE JUST LINK FUCKING PINKIES WITH HER]

[!]

There are not!

[But he's pinkying with her so fucking fast!]

Are too! It's Florida, you can't go six feet without tripping over one.

[yeah that's what she thought!! and look at her, being the best friend ever and even rocking their hands back and forth before letting go despite the fact she's miffed at him. such kindness.]

ic contact;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject