ic contact;

[deadtective]

"Well, you reached me, but I'm obviously not answering right now. Leave a message and if I'm not avoiding you I'll get back as soon as I can."

Comments

[rockpun]

its grievous head trauma, try to keep up.

id say im available if you ever want to try being for real friends, but thats an awful superhero thing to say, isnt it? i dont have enough people i can be a jerk at. ill just settle for slowly becoming friends with all the other people you know until i become inescapable.

[deadtective]

Joke's on you, I have like one friend and he's a complete asshole. You'll never get to me!!

[rockpun]

i dont know about that, i liked josuke well enough when we went rock climbing together.

[deadtective]

The novelty's going to wear off really quickly. Trust me.

[rockpun]

im fine with that. it just means i can hone my banter with him and become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

[deadtective]

As the sarcasm final boss, I feel obligated to tell you that you're just grinding on those baby first level rats with this strategy. You're not even going to make it past the stupid gauntlet leading up to me like this.

[rockpun]

yeah well you dont have any other minions i can fight in the meantime, so im just doing what i can. not my fault this game is balanced really poorly.

[deadtective]

That's because he's just a glitch they haven't managed to fix yet. You're supposed to just get murdered by me a few million times before trading the game in for Animal Crossing.

[rockpun]

um, clearly you underestimate how hardcore i am. i got to the christmas level in elite beat agents and only cried for ten minutes.

[deadtective]

Rhythm games? What are you, a toddler?

[rockpun]

i need some downtime from all the halo 2 i clearly pwn in.

[deadtective]

Talk to me again when you've bred the ultimate horse in Secret of the Crystals. Maybe you'll be worth my time then.

[rockpun]

...okay i just googled that (so weird that google is actually the one that stuck around) and question one, what is steam; question two, what is steam train.

[deadtective]

I'm legally forbidden from answering these questions.

[rockpun]

thats fair. 2006 was a weird time, man, im still getting used to all of this. all of, like. what do you call them now? the memes?

[deadtective]

Oh, no. No, I'm not going down this path. There's no way you can make me talk about memes with the teenage nursing home resident here.

[rockpun]

"teenage nursing home resident"? wow, excuse you. im like 95% sure im only 17. just because we called them different things in 2006 doesnt mean im going to be settling down with some nice warm ovaltine to watch perry mason.

[deadtective]

Is that what the nurses let you think on the days you're allowed to amble once around the garden? That's really sweet of them.

[rockpun]

eh? whats that, sonny? my eyesight aint quite what it used to be. came down with a bad case of cataracts in nineteen-dickety-two. the kaiser stole my stigmatisms.

[deadtective]

Don't worry Granny, I'm sure that someday you'll have mulched enough cannoli shells to convince the Italian king to cross the mountains and get them back for you.

[rockpun]

aside from the word cannoli, that was complete gibberish. glad to see youve got such passion for italy, though. ever been? i kind of have a thing for dusty old ruins, being 163 years old myself.

[deadtective]

Sounds like you might want to check out Egypt, the dusty ruin capital of the world, instead. I've never actually left the country but Josuke brought me back some shit when he went to Italy so I guess that counts? Sort of??

[rockpun]

not super about deserts, actually. last time i went to one i ended up getting attacked by a giant robot scorpion. at least i think it was a robot. but yeah that counts. so are you and josuke like dating or what, whats the deal there.

[deadtective]

WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT

[rockpun]

LOOK I DIDNT THINK IT WAS TOO FAR OUTSIDE THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY, all you had to say was no, jeez.