[she gives a little shrug. that psychopath's roommate had made it impossible not to see it, but to say that would be unfairly taking the attention away from where it should be. Hazel settles on something simpler instead.]
[That makes Josuke angrier for a split second. The idea that people would remember Kaneki that way if...if he didn't return. That they had to see him that way at all, though!
But the wave of anger passes quickly this time. It's always easier when he's not by himself. When he's not the only one feeling...everything he's feeling. That Hazel's gotta be feeling too, right? Because, while she may not know Kaneki as well as him, she was there at the same party. Had still known him.]
I keep...I keep thinking about trying to find the asshole who did it.
[Keeps thinking he could ask his old man to help, but he honestly doesn't want Joseph to see him like this or to worry. So he hasn't gone to him yet.]
[honestly, Hazel could probably hook him up with an address in pretty short order, and she knows it. but she doesn't even need to ask this question to know what he'd probably do, and it keeps her from bringing that information to bear. the inquiry isn't accusatory, but there's certainly no curiosity in her tone. she wants him to say it aloud.]
[Josuke knows himself fairly well. Even in a blind rage he'd be hard pressed to actually deal anyone lethal damage. That's just not the kind of guy he is.
Not that he's physically incapable of doing so, but the mental capacity for that kind of action, the fortitude...it isn't there.]
What do you mean?
[And it's because he knows himself so well that he can answer without shame.]
I'd make him sorry, that's what. A few times over, and maybe then some. And then I'd turn the bastard in to the police.
[You know. If he didn't turn the guy into a new landmark instead. It's been done before, he could do it again! Start a trend of making ugly-faced monuments in cities made outta shitheads who fuck with his family and friends and cost them their lives. Not a bad idea, right?
...
Okay, he wouldn't really do it on purpose. But if he got pissed off enough and it happened anyway? He wouldn't feel badly about it, either.]
[this whole thing is a little ruined by the fact that Hazel never actually got Kaneki's name and substitutes it for a hand hand gesture, but the tone of the question remains.
Hazel doesn't know very much, but she does happen to be intimately acquainted with death and justice. both sides of it, now.]
People who do something like that don't second guess themselves. You'd just be painting a big target on your back for no reason.
[and she doesn't want that. not for anything, but especially not over some lunatic who'd already confessed over a public network. the brutality of it all was a big enough sign that he wouldn't learn from some beating - especially not if what Kangmo had said was true.
was that wrong of her? to want her friends safe? or was it because she was so used to being unable to do anything, to being boxed into passivity, that she couldn't see any other way? she doesn't know the answer to that.]
You think I can't handle wearing a target? Wouldn't be the last time, Hazel. Sure as hell won't be the last. And the way I see it, it's better me than my friends.
[It doesn't bother him, that much is obvious. He's always been willing to throw himself in harm's way if it means preserving the wellness of one of his loved ones. It doesn't matter to him how much he gets torn up because of it, just as long as the people that he cares about can walk away unharmed...
But they can't if he's too badly hurt, can they? Because there are...different kinds of pain than that which is physical. And Josuke...doesn't really want to hurt anybody that way, either.
Which is a realization that ultimately has his shoulders slumping and head hanging, because...]
I feel fucking useless.
[Unable to do a damn thing to help, just like it'd been with Shigechi.]
[she wants to snap at him over that but manages to restrain herself. he seems to understand the onus someone might take with that mindset on his own, which pricks at her conscience in different ways. is this what Tempo feels every time Hazel hurls herself into a fatal situation? the thought is sudden and a little alarming, and she sweeps it away as soon as it arises.
instead she shoves her hands into her hoodie's pouch, worrying her bottom lip unconsciously. it must be very different for Josuke, so used to being able to launch into action, to be faced with this. there was a distance for him to fall, rather than the impossible climb she was used to.
what can she say to that? she's never been some sort of emotional master. looks like even here, Hazel was faced with that familiar uselessness.]
That's never going to go away. But...you're not. I don't think I've ever met anyone less useless in my life.
[both of them. because while she had certainly encountered people that could easily be classed as more powerful and proactive than him, Josuke is a relentless force of good. it's like having the dependability of the sunrise in a single person.]
It's just going to take a while to figure out what everyone needs right now. And I know that sounds like a shitty copout or whatever, but it's true! You're going to help.
[her words are clumsy as always, but there's a sincere earnestness shining through them all. Hazel really believes with all her soul that if there's anyone who can find a way to ease the weight of any situation, it's her friend.
she falls silent for a few moments, before adding something a little more playful, as if she's embarrassed about her own perceived failures at comfort.]
And if you really need to whale on something in the meantime, you can always smack me around. You can't even keep my nose broken for more than five seconds.
[Her words may be clumsy, but they're also heartfelt and honest—not to mention exactly what Josuke needs to hear at the moment.]
I know...you're probably right, it was just a lot easier back home.
[When this sort of thing happened, or when the threat of it happening loomed overhead, Josuke and his friends were the ones to defend Morioh. They'd all been on the same page as one another, willing to risk their own lives if it meant protecting their family, their friends, and their home. They didn't have the same repercussions there to worry about as he has here. It makes things much more complicated...
He sighs and, at the last of what Hazel says, shakes his head before abruptly turning and pulling her into a tight hug.]
That's gotta be the stupidest fucking suggestion I've ever heard. Just so you know.
[She's one of the last people he'd ever want to hurt with or without the use of his Stand. Which she has to know better than anybody by now, though Josuke suspects she only suggested it in the hopes of lightening the atmosphere a little...and it works. Somewhat. Or at least manages to help him channel his emotions in a different, less destructive way.]
[oh, well. Hazel certainly doesn't protest and immediately wraps her arms around him to return the hug. this is something that she's much more accustomed to - even after the gap and the fear and everything else, she feels better giving comfort like this than fumbling around with speeches that just probably just make her sound like an asshole.]
I'd hope so - I'm the current record holder for worst ideas in the multiverse. Usually I charge for gold like that, but you're my friend, so...
[all of this is mumbled into his chest and probably a bitch to actually hear, but it doesn't really matter. she could be saying anything and the meaning would be the same: she's here for Josuke, whatever he needs.]
And all this time I thought you were just putting up with me.
[Not true at all. Josuke knows they're friends. They may take jabs at one another whenever the chance arrives, but the fact that they can do that at all without their being any hard feelings between them is a testament to how strong their friendship actually is.
It's also the reason behind his embrace lasting a little longer than it might ordinarily, because he appreciates everything she's doing for him. By just being there, by trying to offer up light words of consolation, and by hugging him back. Because goddamn it. He needs it right now.
Though he does release her after the passing of a few more seconds. A bit reluctantly, because the second he does, he feels restless again, but it's better than making things awkward.]
I do need to blow off some steam, though. What do you do when it's this late and you gotta do something to avoid exploding?
[Hazel has a lot of answers to that question, but she hesitates at giving them because the majority are either worrying practices or both illegal and impossible to carry out in this world. digging up a murdered woman's remains and hauling it across town really isn't the sort of thing you recommend to friends.
so she chews the inside of her cheek in thought, trying to just keep it to things she's done here. not that it helps too much - even sitting for hours in the shower to try and turn her brain off sounds pathetic and depressing when presented objectively.]
I run. Just keep going until I have no idea where I am or the sun comes up or - you stop thinking after a while.
[she doesn't realize it, but Hazel's response goes much further than just here, just a single night. all she ever does is run away from the things she knows she can't escape. bus schedules are easier to focus on than her own existence.]
[Because he can't tackle his problems head on right now, so he may as well do something active to wear himself out, make his brain stop thinking about anything besides the friend at his side, the air in his lungs, and the ground underfoot.
[she scuffs her shoes against the pavement gently, tilting her head with a soft grin that borders on cocky. yeah, this is definitely something that she can give. it makes her feel good, to know that she isn't a complete failure in the things that she's finding matter most to her.]
I'm going to kick your ass since it's long distance, though, so don't count on winning to boost your mood.
Oh, come on. With guns like these, do you think I'd leave anybody alone in the middle of nowhere?
[she flexes a nonexistent bicep to underline her totally ludicrous point. hilariously, Hazel probably could drag Josuke home if it came down to that...although it would probably take several hours longer than it should have.]
And anyway, you're stuck with me. Passing out isn't going to help you now!
[Josuke offers a helpless shrug before he bolts ahead of Hazel, not-so-sneakily nabbing a head start for himself.
He's not sure how long they actually run for, isn't even sure where they've wound up once they're there, only knows that it's along the side of some drainage canal. Outskirts of the city, probably? Either way, Josuke's legs are buzzing from fatigue and warmth both, and his head is as empty of thoughts as any overturned bucket might be.
It's a blissful feeling, even as he finally has to grab a seat on the grass, chest heaving, breath coming out in quick puffs of air.
And he falls back...arms flopping open wide beside him, but his eyes are open, cast skyward.]
[but it's said fondly as she joins him on the ground, leaning on her hands as she allows her legs to splay out in an ungainly fashion. there isn't a hint of fatigue in her voice or posture, as expected, but the run has certainly done her good as well - she's noticeable brighter, glowing with an inner contentment.]
You'd think we just legged it across the country or something.
[she makes a little tsking noise and gently prods him in the shoulder in return. don't be jealous, it's amazing what you can do when you're no longer shackled by the constraints of the human body.]
Nope! I'm just always awake now, so I can't just sleep for a couple days when I don't want to think about something.
[she purses her lips, and then decides to allow the other reason as well.]
Plus, uh, maybe I've had to get away from more than a few people at home.
[she snorts and flaps a hand dismissively. the answer to that unaskaed second question is no, absolutely not. Hazel hasn't even told him about the less dire dangers she's plodded through, there was no way she was going to dump anything like that on him.]
If anybody figured me out and didn't like it, you'd have heard about it by now. People don't keep that kind of thing quiet.
[and if they had the power to recognize her, they'd probably have a way to fight her. there's a distinct possibility she wouldn't have the time to tell anyone at all.
ah, but that's awfully heavy for a moment like this. she switches over to more lighter responses with ease.]
Besides, who'd ever want to wreck someone this cute? It's just not happening.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
deadtective) wrote2015-01-08 01:21 am
no subject
You saw it?
[...everyone's probably seen it.]
no subject
Kind of hard to miss.
no subject
But the wave of anger passes quickly this time. It's always easier when he's not by himself. When he's not the only one feeling...everything he's feeling. That Hazel's gotta be feeling too, right? Because, while she may not know Kaneki as well as him, she was there at the same party. Had still known him.]
I keep...I keep thinking about trying to find the asshole who did it.
[Keeps thinking he could ask his old man to help, but he honestly doesn't want Joseph to see him like this or to worry. So he hasn't gone to him yet.]
no subject
[honestly, Hazel could probably hook him up with an address in pretty short order, and she knows it. but she doesn't even need to ask this question to know what he'd probably do, and it keeps her from bringing that information to bear. the inquiry isn't accusatory, but there's certainly no curiosity in her tone. she wants him to say it aloud.]
no subject
Not that he's physically incapable of doing so, but the mental capacity for that kind of action, the fortitude...it isn't there.]
What do you mean?
[And it's because he knows himself so well that he can answer without shame.]
I'd make him sorry, that's what. A few times over, and maybe then some. And then I'd turn the bastard in to the police.
[You know. If he didn't turn the guy into a new landmark instead. It's been done before, he could do it again! Start a trend of making ugly-faced monuments in cities made outta shitheads who fuck with his family and friends and cost them their lives. Not a bad idea, right?
...
Okay, he wouldn't really do it on purpose. But if he got pissed off enough and it happened anyway? He wouldn't feel badly about it, either.]
no subject
[this whole thing is a little ruined by the fact that Hazel never actually got Kaneki's name and substitutes it for a hand hand gesture, but the tone of the question remains.
Hazel doesn't know very much, but she does happen to be intimately acquainted with death and justice. both sides of it, now.]
no subject
At the very least? Might make people think twice about killing. Or going after Ken again.
[He really can't abide by it, the senselessness of taking lives. Especially in the name of justice.]
no subject
[and she doesn't want that. not for anything, but especially not over some lunatic who'd already confessed over a public network. the brutality of it all was a big enough sign that he wouldn't learn from some beating - especially not if what Kangmo had said was true.
was that wrong of her? to want her friends safe? or was it because she was so used to being unable to do anything, to being boxed into passivity, that she couldn't see any other way? she doesn't know the answer to that.]
no subject
[It doesn't bother him, that much is obvious. He's always been willing to throw himself in harm's way if it means preserving the wellness of one of his loved ones. It doesn't matter to him how much he gets torn up because of it, just as long as the people that he cares about can walk away unharmed...
But they can't if he's too badly hurt, can they? Because there are...different kinds of pain than that which is physical. And Josuke...doesn't really want to hurt anybody that way, either.
Which is a realization that ultimately has his shoulders slumping and head hanging, because...]
I feel fucking useless.
[Unable to do a damn thing to help, just like it'd been with Shigechi.]
no subject
instead she shoves her hands into her hoodie's pouch, worrying her bottom lip unconsciously. it must be very different for Josuke, so used to being able to launch into action, to be faced with this. there was a distance for him to fall, rather than the impossible climb she was used to.
what can she say to that? she's never been some sort of emotional master. looks like even here, Hazel was faced with that familiar uselessness.]
That's never going to go away. But...you're not. I don't think I've ever met anyone less useless in my life.
[both of them. because while she had certainly encountered people that could easily be classed as more powerful and proactive than him, Josuke is a relentless force of good. it's like having the dependability of the sunrise in a single person.]
It's just going to take a while to figure out what everyone needs right now. And I know that sounds like a shitty copout or whatever, but it's true! You're going to help.
[her words are clumsy as always, but there's a sincere earnestness shining through them all. Hazel really believes with all her soul that if there's anyone who can find a way to ease the weight of any situation, it's her friend.
she falls silent for a few moments, before adding something a little more playful, as if she's embarrassed about her own perceived failures at comfort.]
And if you really need to whale on something in the meantime, you can always smack me around. You can't even keep my nose broken for more than five seconds.
no subject
I know...you're probably right, it was just a lot easier back home.
[When this sort of thing happened, or when the threat of it happening loomed overhead, Josuke and his friends were the ones to defend Morioh. They'd all been on the same page as one another, willing to risk their own lives if it meant protecting their family, their friends, and their home. They didn't have the same repercussions there to worry about as he has here. It makes things much more complicated...
He sighs and, at the last of what Hazel says, shakes his head before abruptly turning and pulling her into a tight hug.]
That's gotta be the stupidest fucking suggestion I've ever heard. Just so you know.
[She's one of the last people he'd ever want to hurt with or without the use of his Stand. Which she has to know better than anybody by now, though Josuke suspects she only suggested it in the hopes of lightening the atmosphere a little...and it works. Somewhat. Or at least manages to help him channel his emotions in a different, less destructive way.]
no subject
I'd hope so - I'm the current record holder for worst ideas in the multiverse. Usually I charge for gold like that, but you're my friend, so...
[all of this is mumbled into his chest and probably a bitch to actually hear, but it doesn't really matter. she could be saying anything and the meaning would be the same: she's here for Josuke, whatever he needs.]
no subject
[Not true at all. Josuke knows they're friends. They may take jabs at one another whenever the chance arrives, but the fact that they can do that at all without their being any hard feelings between them is a testament to how strong their friendship actually is.
It's also the reason behind his embrace lasting a little longer than it might ordinarily, because he appreciates everything she's doing for him. By just being there, by trying to offer up light words of consolation, and by hugging him back. Because goddamn it. He needs it right now.
Though he does release her after the passing of a few more seconds. A bit reluctantly, because the second he does, he feels restless again, but it's better than making things awkward.]
I do need to blow off some steam, though. What do you do when it's this late and you gotta do something to avoid exploding?
no subject
so she chews the inside of her cheek in thought, trying to just keep it to things she's done here. not that it helps too much - even sitting for hours in the shower to try and turn her brain off sounds pathetic and depressing when presented objectively.]
I run. Just keep going until I have no idea where I am or the sun comes up or - you stop thinking after a while.
[she doesn't realize it, but Hazel's response goes much further than just here, just a single night. all she ever does is run away from the things she knows she can't escape. bus schedules are easier to focus on than her own existence.]
no subject
[Because he can't tackle his problems head on right now, so he may as well do something active to wear himself out, make his brain stop thinking about anything besides the friend at his side, the air in his lungs, and the ground underfoot.
...sounds relaxing already, to be honest.]
no subject
[she scuffs her shoes against the pavement gently, tilting her head with a soft grin that borders on cocky. yeah, this is definitely something that she can give. it makes her feel good, to know that she isn't a complete failure in the things that she's finding matter most to her.]
I'm going to kick your ass since it's long distance, though, so don't count on winning to boost your mood.
no subject
I'll be glad just to keep up until my legs give out. Just don't leave me stranded on my own and we're good.
[He lightly elbows her side before checking the laces of his shoes. He has yet to get a new pair of Bally's...so he's in sneakers, too.]
no subject
[she flexes a nonexistent bicep to underline her totally ludicrous point. hilariously, Hazel probably could drag Josuke home if it came down to that...although it would probably take several hours longer than it should have.]
And anyway, you're stuck with me. Passing out isn't going to help you now!
no subject
He's not sure how long they actually run for, isn't even sure where they've wound up once they're there, only knows that it's along the side of some drainage canal. Outskirts of the city, probably? Either way, Josuke's legs are buzzing from fatigue and warmth both, and his head is as empty of thoughts as any overturned bucket might be.
It's a blissful feeling, even as he finally has to grab a seat on the grass, chest heaving, breath coming out in quick puffs of air.
And he falls back...arms flopping open wide beside him, but his eyes are open, cast skyward.]
I'm beat!
no subject
[but it's said fondly as she joins him on the ground, leaning on her hands as she allows her legs to splay out in an ungainly fashion. there isn't a hint of fatigue in her voice or posture, as expected, but the run has certainly done her good as well - she's noticeable brighter, glowing with an inner contentment.]
You'd think we just legged it across the country or something.
no subject
Gimme a break, we ran all the way across town! And you weren't the one who had to keep up with you.
[Honestly, she's like some kind of speed demon!]
You used to run track or something?
no subject
Nope! I'm just always awake now, so I can't just sleep for a couple days when I don't want to think about something.
[she purses her lips, and then decides to allow the other reason as well.]
Plus, uh, maybe I've had to get away from more than a few people at home.
no subject
...what about here?
[Would she even tell him if there were people here who were after her?]
no subject
If anybody figured me out and didn't like it, you'd have heard about it by now. People don't keep that kind of thing quiet.
[and if they had the power to recognize her, they'd probably have a way to fight her. there's a distinct possibility she wouldn't have the time to tell anyone at all.
ah, but that's awfully heavy for a moment like this. she switches over to more lighter responses with ease.]
Besides, who'd ever want to wreck someone this cute? It's just not happening.
no subject
I don't know, man...you kinda got a bit of a big head, and that's totes not cute.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)